Chicago Bears: Big Win, Shut Your Pie-hole

Across the enemy line, I sat, gloated and binged on fire-flavored cheese puffs for three hours.

From Wisconsin, where my buddy has a lake house our friends and family fish, boat and watch 8-10 little kids scramble around in a manic haze, I had very little to yell or throw the TV out the window about.

The Bears kicked arse. The Atlanta Falcons, last years NFC South Champion, got mopped.

Cutler was on point. He didn’t over-do-it by trying to impersonate Brett Favre, Dan Marino, John Elway or any other legendary gun slinger. He did not force the ball down field, instead choosing to wisely to advantage of his check-downs which is the third or last option a quarterback has to connect with an open receiver, often a few yards from scrimmage.

Instead of scrambling all over the field and throwing off his back foot, he planted and fired, passing for 22-32 for 312 yards and registering an impressive 107.8 passer rating. He was however sacked five times by a very polished Falcons defense. Who cares?

I could hear Jerry Angelo’s ballpoint pen scribbling on a blank check in a suite above the field, about to present it to Matt Forte’s agent for his client to complete and cash. Forte applied his forte (pun absolutely intended), a decent running day and an outstanding receiving, turning screen passes into long jaunts up field, scoring and being an offensive difference-maker.

Gabe Carimi blocked his big arse off. The rookie, nicknamed “Bear Jew” (calm down, he is Jewish and has been embraced by the Chicagoland Jewish community; the name was given to him in reference to a bad-arse Jewish character in the movie Inglorious Basterds while at the University of Wisconsin) held his own and didn’t hold his opponent, instead keeping Cutler from getting blind-sided, something seen all-to-often last year.

Roy Williams hung on to the ball, grabbing four balls for 55-yards. Nice job, R Dub.

The defense played loose, hungry and attacked the ball at every chance with four-to-five players swarming any Falcon near the pigskin.

Urlacher cut it up. Looking like a fresh, fleet-footed terror as he did in his early years, Urlacher made a ridiculous pick with his body outstretched and scooped up a fumble and rambled 12-yards for his fourth touchdown of his NFL career.

Charles Tillman, the veteran cornerback, was all over the field deflecting and stripping balls.

Julius Peppers, the man-child defensive end did what he has done since day one in the league: scare the hell out of people. The 6’7, 285-pound defensive end intimidates even when he picks his nose on the sideline. He is a defensive force without even lifting a finger. It’s the anticipation of what Peppers might or will do that is so frightening often resulting in the offense jumping off sides to try and get a jump on Big Pepp. He roamed the field and dominated again on Sunday.

What happened to Bears veteran punter Brad Maynard? I care about punters. I liked the 10-year guy. Well, who cares?

There were many doubters and critics about this Bears team coming into this season and many favored the visiting Falcons to win this one. Eat it. Suck it. SAH-sage it.

Go get your Tony Romo jersey and curl up in your blankey to old Jessica Simpson records. I don’t know that that means. Maybe because Romo is a sissy?

I don’t like people getting on the Bears and talking smack until it is necessary. And now they can shut the ol’ flog hole. Shut the hole, bro-ha, or bro-ma.

The Bears look good, real good. We ain’t The Aint’s and we will be “marching in," for lack of a better pun, to “Nawlins” (it isn’t “New OR-leans”) next week. Drew Brees is going to test the crap out of our potentially liable secondary and the Saints are going to blitz Cutler more times than a fatty at a pig roast.

Da Bears are headed in the right direction. I still have my finger on the trigger but I am reclined in complacency at least for another week or two. Thanks Lovie. Lovie dovie dabby doody.